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How the years have crept by -- 24

 It's about two weeks before my birthday.

I was sitting in a Caribou near Travis's place when a thought popped into my head. I haven't written in my journal for years... yes, years. It's never been something that I've forgotten about, but I haven't had an urge to write down my thoughts. 

However, right here and now, I'm back again to type the words that infiltrate my thoughts at this simply, un-momentous place in time. 

I just had one of my best friends over for 6 days between Westmont and Chicago. I so long for her to be HER. But this new person she's begun is not the friend I once had. This friend is someone who is broken--so broken that logic cannot be sorted through her brain. She claims her heart is not quite understanding the logic of the situation that she so greatly understands. No, she does not WANT to get out of this. Why, I don't know. How can someone just give up on their SELF? She dated this man, this person, this person who does not want just her. He wants her and others--he does not love her the way she needs to be loved. But, she cannot see this. I spent this past week trying to have fun and be her friend. But I honestly don't know if I can anymore, it's too much work to be the kind of friend she needs.

She needs someone to pity her and let her pity herself. I cannot do that. I have sat idly by and let her comment on the sadness of her life--and have not encouraged it, but at the same time have not said anything.

Travis explained it me--the true reason I am sad--she is not the person that I became friends with. She's paranoid, solipsistic, has little self-worth, and dramatic. These qualities were not who she was until this person came into her life. I wish with every fiber of who I am could help my friend, but there's nothing more I can do. I have to live with that fact. There's no more I can give. She has to do this on her own---and if I so choose, I must sit idly by and watch.

Mar. 26th, 2008

I have not posted on here in so long.

Life goes by way too fast. I am so happy right now. Life is good.

May. 29th, 2007

I haven't written in here for a while. I guess my time at college has kept me too busy to actually keep up this journal. However, now that I'm back home, I seem to have much more time to do the things that I love to do. AKA, writing, playing piano, reading, movie-watching, etc.

I just read this old AIM conversation I had with Dan from last year, and I just saw how childish I used to act about things. It's just amazing to see yourself at a younger age and how you acted. It's weird to see how things have changed with Dan and myself and everyone I used to be close with.

It's been great being home though, I do declare. It's good seeing my family and just being lazy although I have no job.. haha.

Joyce and I have started to consider running, hip hop ab workouts, and loosing some extra poundage. I need to work on the thigh area.
Wooo... for feeling healthy.

Uh oh!


I've decided to make all my posts friends only or private!! :0]

Home again..I suck.

I don't remember what I wanted to write.

I don't need a guy to make me happy..... right?


Eh, spring break is coming up around the corner. But I'm not really all that excited about it. It's kind of sad. This year my old friendships have kind of gotten distant, and I no longer have that close knit group I once depended on. But I guess I don't really need to depend on others like that. I'm fine, just sad, I guess. I'm too weird. Everyone always tells me that. Maybe that's why I no longer have closer friends anymore. :--I

Spring is almost here.. hopefully.

I've gotten so much done these past couple days. Third quarter of school is almost over! I'm so excited for these last couple months of school. I'm so happy that I get to get out of school!! :]

I've been trying to find an mp3 player. But I don't know. I have so much I've been having to pay for lately. I want to buy all these things (GG dvds, trip to Chicago, etc.), pay for car insurance, and save for college stuff too! I need a job that pays more money. But I doubt that's going to happy any time soon. So now I'm thinking ahead to prom next month, and I don't really know. I mean, I want to go sort of, but then again, I'd really like to save my money for something else that will last me. Ugh. I don't know. I'll have to think about it more when the time comes...

I keep getting these cute little letters from JCU and I'm getting so excited. I talked with my aunt on the phone about different colors to be painted in my new room and carpeting.. and so much! I'm so excited to move out there. It's going got be amaaaaaazing. But I've got to make this summer an awesome one before I go off to college. I want to make a list of things that I want to do this summer and do them all with my friends!

Graduation is only a couple of months away, and I can't wait. :]]]]]]]]

School woes

I feel so unhappy with myself these days at school. It seems like I can't escape the making fun of others. You know? I really try to be nice to everyone, even if I don't like them. But sometimes when others mock poeple, I can't help but laugh at other's flaws. I feel so bad that I do this sometimes. It doesn't make me feel like I'm being a good person. I wish sometimes that I could ignore people and tell them to shut up. I'm so weak in those kind of social situations. I'm not going to lie and say I am very strong in my views. Because frankly, I'm not. I'm flawed. That's something I really wish I could change about myself. I mean, there's people at school that are just plain nasty about others. Maybe in some cases they have a right to be, but I don't know. Can't we all just not say anything at all? I really try not to. But sometimes I feel like I want to be the immature kid, saying crap about everything. Complaining, blah, blah. But I'm really trying hard not to do that.

Ergh. School is getting so old. I can't wait to leave and start fresh.

I wish I was stronger when it comes to social scenes. But I freeze up and just not say anything.


Interview with JCU Alumni.

Okay.. so I think that my interview was a hit!

I hope they liked me..

I hope I get more money off college.


..Thanks to Joyce. I owe her one.
Well, let's see what I've managed to do this weekend:

--Caught up on two seasons of Gilmore Girls (3&4)
--Watched: Breakfast at Tiffany's, An Affair to Remember, Roman Holiday
--Tried to start AP Geography and Econ...didn't get too far
--Went out with friendsies a couple nights for coffee and food
--Lied in my bed for countless hours sleeping
--Went to Evanston with my parents and had Olive Garden

That's it. Actually, I was going to complain about how I didn't do anything, but I'm pretty happy with it. I relaxed and didn't get too busy. I like these days.

Darn snow though. It's March, please let this winter be over!

Working tonight with Ian, hopefully this will make me get back into work mode for school tomorrow... I doubt it.